We teach what we allow

I have three dogs. Or I should say "we" have three dogs. I hardly want to be held solely accountable for the canine insanity and vet bills around here. All three were rescued somehow and one of them has issues. You could call it small dog complex, or abundance issues, whatever you want. But a few months ago it started to get serious. I've included a picture of him here so you can assess his scariness yourself. He weighs 11 pounds.

Ivan the Terrible is his name, and yes, we do feel somewhat responsible for creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by naming him that. But his original name was Taco, so can you blame us?

Awhile back he started to growl and nip and even bite. I've had dogs my entire life and never had one that would do this. It's scary and disturbing. I'm strongly against ditching a dog for behavior issues unless there is no alternative and I knew there had to be something we could do.

So I started watching Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, in the hopes that I could learn how to tame the beast. I've long held that dog training is not about training the dog, but about training the human how to handle the dog.

In watching Cesar I learned a lot more than I expected. Though I could go on for pages about how much smarter my family is getting about our dogs, I strive to keep these posts short so I'll get to the point.

When Ivan growled and bared his teeth I (and everyone else in the family) would retreat -- quickly. I learned that what this taught Ivan is that he is the pack leader and the humans in the house will bow to his will. Without realizing it we were making the problem worse by allowing him to win. Cesar taught me that when Ivan growls, I need to hold him firmly by the scruff of the neck, my fingers mimicking the hold his mother would have on him with her mouth. I cannot back down until he stops growling and submits to me. Only then am I the pack leader.

So how in the heck does this translate to productivity in the workplace and habits?

Think about someone you know who makes it difficult to work with them. Every time you ask them to do something for you they "growl" at you or otherwise make it very unpleasant to be around them. Our tendency is to get away as quickly as possible and avoid contact with that person in the future -- even if that means doing their job yourself. Just like Ivan, what we're teaching them is that their growling will get the result of making you go away and lessening their workload while increasing yours.

If you run into this situation I don't suggest grabbing that person by the scruff of the neck until they submit -- unless you have a job as wrestler -- but I do suggest standing up to that person in an assertive but non-confrontational way.

When they cop that attitude with you, simply explain that this interaction makes you feel unwelcome, and what can you do to avoid that feeling the future. Notice that I'm not suggesting that you tell the other person what they're doing wrong or backing them into a corner. Just stand your ground with professionalism and kindness. State your request in a manner that it allows them to work with you in a collaborative way to make things work better for both of you.

As with Ivan, I can't promise that one encounter handled the new way will fix things forever. It may take a few tries. But in the long run it's better than having to send your co-worker to the pound.