Relax. You'll be more productive.

The other day my son was using his house key to lock our back door. He was grunting and straining. The key wouldn't turn in the lock and he was getting frustrated because we needed to leave.  I told him to take a deep breath and then try again without gripping the key so tightly or pushing so hard. It worked.

Here comes the metaphor.

When we push too hard or get too tense, we compound the stress that is causing us to behave that way in the first place. It's a vicious circle that we create by developing more internal tension to deal with a tense situation. The increased tension doesn't make it any more likely we'll get the result we want, it just makes us more miserable.

My suggestions for ways to change-up your response to a tough situation...

1. Deep breathing. No need to hyperventilate, just take five or six deep belly breaths.
2. Do some easy stretches or neck and shoulder rolls.
3. Walk away from it for a few minutes. You have to be diplomatic if it's a person that you need to walk away from, but you can and should do it when it's called for. If it's a task that's frustrating you, just move onto something else for while.
4. Change your goal. I had a client in a very frustrating work situation. She wasn't being taken seriously and her boss was rather passive aggressive. It was clear the boss wasn't going to change, so we decided she'd be better served by figuring out what would make the situation a "win" for her. Her goal changed from trying to get the boss to change his ways, to figuring out what she needed to learn in her current position in order to be a compelling candidate for her next position.

I'd love to hear your stories about how letting go helped you ultimately get the result you wanted.